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  • The Crest of Lord Likely

    25 June 2007

    A Lot of Likelys

    June, 1856

    Botter, having regained consciousness, prepared the carriage for our immediate departure to Southampton, from where we would sail to America. As he busily set about his task, I stood around looking handsome and suave, as is my wont.

    “Milord,”said Botter, as he set about tethering my fastest horse, Reynolds, to the carriage. “Forgive me for asking, but who is this other Likely you spoke about?”

    “Well, my father, Lord Eustace Likely, was a keen traveller and made several trips to our former colonies himself. During one of these visits he became rather fond of a waitress he met, called Mandy Murkerfarker. Suffice to say, being a Likely, he quickly impregnated her then disappeared into the night, off on another wild adventure. I do not believe he ever saw Mandy again, but I do know that she gave birth to a son called Ludlow, to whom she gave the Likely name in honour of my father. This Ludlow Likely is the fellow who has written to me.”

    “So, he’s your brother, then, milord?” Botter asked, deftly avoiding a hoof to the face as he spoke.

    “I suppose so. Though I have yet to meet him face to face. We Likelys do not convene often, as it is feared such a high concentration of sexual charisma in one place may cause the very fabric of the universe to unwind.”

    “Milord, a thought has struck me. You too are often bedding beautiful ladies around the globe – do you think you too might have a child, somewhere out there?”

    “Oh, I’m quite certain of it. My fantastically fertile seed has been sown in so many furrows, that I am sure that I must have, at the very least, enough children to form an entire football team.”

    “So, what did Ludlow say in his letter, milord?”

    “Not an awful lot. He merely wrote the words, ‘Come Quickly‘.”

    “‘Come Quickly’?”

    “No, ‘Come Quickly‘, Botter. It must be italicized. Now, assuming that this is not some sort of advice as to how I should conclude my acts of sexual intimacy, I can only presume Ludlow needs my most immediate help. And, while I have never seen or spoken to him in all his life, when a Likely is in trouble I am quick to respond. Blood is thicker than water, Botter. And so is semen.”

    “Wow,” said Botter, upon hearing my wonderfully wise words. He stared at me with astonished eyes but was soon snapped out of his awe-struck trance by a sudden kick to the testicles from Reynolds, who was getting increasingly impatient.

    “Reynolds makes a very good point, Botter, in a damnably hilarious manner. We should stop standing around chit-chatting, and head off to Southampton. There is much traveling yet to do!”

    Botter struggled to his position at the reins, clutching his recently bruised ball-bag, while I clambered into the carriage and poured myself a whisky. Botter jerked the reins, and we were off on an uncertain journey, with hidden dangers and death lurking in every shadow.

    Although, having said that, Southampton can be nice enough in the summer-time.

    - Lord Likely.

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    Comments

    12 incredible interjections thus far.

    Stephanie

    I’m just wondering if it is possible that your Brother has a manservant similar to Botter. What fun that would be. Or would it just be weird? Hmmmm – I don’t know!

    Stephanie, June 25th, 2007 at 6:42 am

    The Drive-by Blogger

    “Milord, a thought has struck me”

    I’m guessing this is a sentence old Botter doesn’t get to use a lot.
    Although, I do have to give him credit for his relatively quick recovery from the kick to the ‘family jewels’.

    The Drive-by Blogger, June 25th, 2007 at 5:55 pm

    Gorilla Bananas

    Would you give Botter permission to marry if he asked? He’d make a good husband for a dominatrix.

    Gorilla Bananas, June 25th, 2007 at 10:51 pm

    Scaryduck

    Southampton is never nice.

    Scaryduck, June 26th, 2007 at 1:52 am

    Lord Likely

    Good day, to you ALL!

    Ms. Stephanie, I too wonder the same thing. Having never met my brother before, it shall be a voyage of DISCOVERY for us both, on the ship of WONDERMENT.

    Mr. Blogger, Botter’s balls have taken such a lot of abuse over the years, that they have built up quite a resistance to any punishment.

    Mr. Bananas, I would only allow Botter to marry on the proviso that I get to test-drive his would-be wife first. It is only fair.

    Mr. Scaryduck, you are quite right, of course. However, be thankful that I did not travel to Portsmouth. It could have been a lot worse.

    Toodle-pip, people!

    - Lord Likely

    Lord Likely, June 26th, 2007 at 7:20 am

    Theresa111

    Hello Lord Likely. Nice to read you again. Wanted to stop by for some entertainment. Cheers!

    Theresa111, June 26th, 2007 at 2:27 pm

    the domestic minx

    I fear, dear Likely, that you may be in for a maelstrom of sorts, given that with such familial convening, the resultant high concentration of sexual charisma in one place may cause the very fabric of the universe to unwind…

    Do take care, dear man…

    x

    the domestic minx, June 26th, 2007 at 4:27 pm

    Translator

    Poor Botter. Nothing worse than a bruised ball-bag.

    If you are so inclined, Milord, would you please humour us with the Random Seven? I’d love to hear about you in depth.

    http://rosettarants.blogspot.com/2007/06/tag.html

    I hope you have time before your journey.

    Toodle-pip!

    Translator, June 27th, 2007 at 7:43 am

    Jamie

    Ah, welcome back from your recent perigrinations. It is fortuitous to have caught you before your flight over the pond.

    Jamie, June 27th, 2007 at 4:12 pm

    Lord Likely

    Good day, readers!

    Ms. Theresa, thank you for stopping by. I do hope you found the entertainment you were looking for. Botter is usually good for a laugh, at any rate.

    Ms. Minx, I am well aware of the dangers inherent in my meeting with other Likelys. I shall take every precaution, but should you awake one morning to find the universe no longer exists, you can assume that the precautions were not enough.

    Mr. Translator, thank you for the tag. I shall attempt to respond in due course, or at least get one of my minions to respond on my behalf. I am nice like that, you see.

    Finally, good day, Mr. Jamie. Thank you for your kind missive. Although, I am bemused as to how I am supposed to ‘fly’ to America. I do not know about where you hail from, but here in Victorian England, man has yet to sprout feathers.

    Anyway, must dash for now.

    Toodle-pip!

    – Lord Likely

    Lord Likely, June 28th, 2007 at 5:38 am

    LadyTerri

    High concentration of sexual charisma in one place may cause the very fabric of the universe to unwind.” Oh my Lord Likely we can’t have that now can we? heheh

    LadyTerri, June 28th, 2007 at 6:47 am

    Ed

    I hope Reynolds received a hoof massage after that terrible blow from Botter’s groin.

    How could you allow such abuse of a poor animal?

    Easy, I hear you murmur,

    Ed, June 28th, 2007 at 9:37 pm

    Speak Forth to the Lord

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    Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.

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