25 February 2007
An Amusing Incident
February 24th, of the year of our Lord 1856
Being a hard-working member of the aristocracy is tiresome fare indeed. When not deciding which hat to wear, or attending private functions, or stabbing a beggar, there’s countless other tasks which all vie for my finite attention.
It can leave one quiet worn out.
Fortuitously, I have a faithful man-servant to aid me in my day-to-day tasks. He goes by the name of Botter, and he really is a jolly great help around the mansion.
Whether he be polishing my array of fencing trophies (over forty-five, at the last count), fetching me my afternoon tea or dressing up like a chimp and dancing for my own amusement, Botter always carries out his duties without a bad word rising from his awful, chapped lips.
Being one of the working classes, Botter’s unusual mannerisms and character traits never cease to delight and enrapture me. His quaint notions, such as his insistence on being paid in money, force long, hard laughter from my mouth, which I often like to direct into his grubbly little oikish face.
Yesterday, however, Botter exceeded himself in the entertainment stakes, whilst he was carrying out the simple task of wiping the rain-drops off of my sun-dial, which is positioned on the roof of my summer-house.
While carrying out my bidding, the silly fellow slipped from the roof-top, and landed with an almighty crash onto the ground below, causing his arm to become broken in two places.
I was out reclining on the lawn at this point, and upon spying Botter’s misfortune I laughed so hard I began choking on the glass of whisky I was imbibing at the time.
Luckily for me, Botter dutifully ran over to aid his Master, by administering a few, sharp slaps upon my back. After doing so, and ensuring I was in good health, Botter then realised he had used his recently fractured limb to assist me, and began howling in pain while rolling on the floor in agony.
Needless to say, I roared my approval, spraying the unfortunate urchin with more recently-consumed whisky.
I cannot recommend getting a man-servant highly enough. They are ever so entertaining.