08 February 2009
Lord Likely is Dead
The Astonishing Adventures of
Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action
"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."
THE DAILY NEWS SHEET
"Utterly wonderful. Upon reading Lord Likely's diaries, I went out and set fire to a homeless wretch to celebrate."
THE LONDON LOOKER
"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."
LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER
"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."
THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS
"Hear ye, hear ye, Lord Likely is fucking ace!"
THE TOWN CRIER
08 February 2009
41 incredible interjections thus far.
I don’t believe it.
NOOOOOO!!!! Not Lord Likely!! Blimey!
oh hell no!!!!
I knew I should have sent Ninja Vicki or Samurai Cathy or Tag Larkin back in time to be your bodyguard.
Wait, technically I can still do that. Time travel would allow me to send them back to before your demise to prevent it. Unless sending them back is actually what causes your death.
Man was not meant to meddle with such cosmic forces!
Merde! My moustache droops in sorrow.
Tis a lie. He feigns death to rise from the grave, in more ways than one.
I refuse to believe it could happen… what was Botter the useless blaggard doing at the time.
My money’s on syphillis…
R.I.P. (Randy, Incredible Priapism) Lord Likely.
Hells no. M’lord, come back! Elsewise we all know I’m going to end up secretly exhuming you and incorporating your decomposing flesh into some sort of horrendous and worryingly sexual shrine. And that kind of thing is bad for my self-image.
I hope he died on the job with a devilish grin on his face. And then comes back to life. It would be wrong for that dogsbody Botter to outlive him.
You’re not dead – and if you are – then you’re just *delayed*!
In that case there’s a stiff drink and company available over at RoYds.
I’m sure you’ll get along spiffingly with Stanley and Archie. Plus, Mabel’s still a looker despite being over 300 years old.
Now, do you need a good nudging?
I, too, would like to say “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
I feel responsible for this. If I had not been gallivanting around like a foolish twat and totally ignored my lord, I would have been able to suggest SOMETHING for him to keep his stately self up! Please say it is an awful joke. I swear I will come back! My nether regions are dry with grief!
I’m with Qelqoth on this one.
I fear an entire season of Botter pottering about, tending to the every need of some shabby, second-rate Lord, until one morning we step into the shower and there he be, dander up. Lord Likely in all his glory as though nothing ever happened.
Oh great, I only subscribed last week, you bounder.
At least there should be several million Likelies wandering around in your Lordship’s likeness to continue the great work.
Statistically speaking, there’s bound to be.
Cannot be! Bah! I just spoke to him on Friday when he was alive and mostly well, simply puking into his hat and urinating in his grandfather clock after a night carousing!
I believe he would spit in the face of Death!
Will this cause any delays in future adventures being recalled? If so …. fuck.
He’s dead what?
it´s a shame to all you believers – this chap is having dinner with lolita and lilith, converging vinegar into lovejuice, also well known as ambrosia.
‘Tis a publicity stunt. How else do you explain the fact that he’s STILL Twittering? Hmmmmmm?????
Well, that’s a big of a bugger. Now he’ll never know of the repeal of the Corn Laws, or the invention of the Christmas Tree…..
I think that feedburner killed him
aw comn i want a fun-e-real, not a funeral!!
i agree with the bra – he cant tweet and be dead. methinks this is a rumor (much like a certain mr. paul from an insect group) to get his feedburners burning
either that or his next inter-active adventure will take place at his mock funeral.
Likely – please rise. you know you have many fans
Have you risen yet?
You can stop being dead now.
Come on, man. It’s not BRITISH.
I agree….it's high time you knock it off & get back up!
He Can’t be dead!!! I won’t allow it, now you come back this instance!!
I never took you for a POSSUM!
A snake or rat YES a possum NEVER!
I shall quickly press my lips to his and resuscitate him. I do not believe this turn of events. No! I shan’t believe it at all. It must be a lie a horrid lie, I tell you. Oh … I feel faint.
What the fuck???????
Good Lord, MiLord, what in the bloomin’ ‘ell happened????
What? WHAT? Lord Likely, please. I find your journals, spend the week-end reading them all through, become suitably enthralled, and this is what I find at the end? If this is how you treat your guests, I shall have to change my opinion of you from ‘a valiant brit with an enourmous cock’ to just ‘an enourmous cock (with an enourmous cock)’. You’d better not dissapoint!
enough is enough. where you at motherfucker?!
when you think about it..death is so rash.
you may wish to reconsider.
But what about Lord Palmerston? Has he got a pulse?
Ladies and Gentlemen!
Please, if I may just beg your indulgence for one minute!
I understand you are all terribly upset and anxious to get to the bottom of this shocking development, and I wish to assure you all that I will not rest until I have solved this particular mystery.
Thank you for your patience. Now, I am off for a quick snooze.
- Inspector Albert R. Spunkleford, Scotland Yard
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousingPeruse Further...
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