22 November 2009
Lord Likely Versus That Cad, Cancer
AS AN Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-Man of Action, I face bounders and ne’er-do-wells on an almost daily basis, and each and every time I emerge victorious, triumphing over the forces of evil in spectacular fashion – and just in time for tiffing. Hooray for me!
I am naturally very proud of my unbeaten track record, but one cad continues to elude me, slipping through my noble fingers time and time again. That cad, ladies and gentlemen, is CANCER.
Despite my best efforts, this vile villain seems unstoppable, no matter how many bullets I fire at it (and believe me, I have tried, and have been thrown out of many a hospital as a result, the ungrateful heathens). To add further insult, this cancerous fiend absolutely refuses to engage me in a bout of hand-to-hand combat, possibly because it knows I shall drub the fluid excrement from its wretched form.
So what is a heroic figure like myself to do in such a situation? Lesser men would give up and walk away – but not I! Instead, I have decided to fight cancer using my secret weapon – my glorious MOUSTACHE.
You see, dear readers, November is the month when hirsute gents such as myself use our fine face-fuzz to help combat the diabolical disease, in a month-long event known as ‘MOVEMBER’. Over the course of the month, chaps around the world grow the most magnificent moustaches possible, in exchange for which people donate money to those who are trying their best to combat prostate cancer, as well as tackling various other issues related to men’s health.
Of course, I am already in possession of a supremely sublime soup-strainer, one which is the envy of men (and quite possibly women) the world over. You only need cast your eyes up the page, and gaze upon mine wondrous whiskers to revel in its glory! See how bushy, luxuriant and proud it is! Ne’er before has an upper-lip looked quite so handsome!
Furthermore, I often like to style my moustache in a variety of different ways, be it the ‘Bugger’s Grips‘ or the ever popular ‘Chuff Duster‘, as evidence by my Incredible Inter-Active Moustache-O-Rama, a wonderful contraption which allows YOU to play with my face, and adorn it with any one of a myriad of moustache styles. Some of you will already be familiar with this device, while the rest of you may tweak my hairs by launching the Incredible Inter-Active Moustache-O-Rama below:
As you can see, my moustache is particularly mighty, and now I would like to use its awesome power for GOOD (aside from the great good it already does, tickling many a lady’s fancy, as ’twere.) So, if you have been suitably awed by my fantastic follicles (as you will have), perhaps you might care to donate any spare shillings, farthings or groats to the charitable Movember event, and help us vanquish prostate cancer ONCE and for ruddy ALL?
If so, please click upon the banner below! It shall only take a jiffy, and all funds go to The Prostate Cancer Charity, so do please give graciously, if you can!
Many thanks, chums – now let us kick cancer RIGHT in the BALLS. HARD.
- Lord Likely.