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  • The Crest of Lord Likely

    25 February 2012

    Lord Likely’s Wooden Jubilee

    YOU MAY well hear talk of some sort of diamond jubilee taking place this year, but I urge you all to dispel such nonsense from your minds immediately. There is only one jubilee worth celebrating and that, my dear readers, is MINE. For this year sees the fifth anniversary of my Astonishing Adventures, or my ‘Wooden Jubilee’, as I like to call it. Rather apt for a fellow who himself will often be found to be ‘sporting wood’.

    It was upon this day, five years ago, that I took pen to hand and wrote the following wondrous words:

    “Being a hard-working member of the aristocracy is tiresome fare indeed. When not deciding which hat to wear, or attending private functions, or stabbing a beggar, there are countless other tasks which all vie for my finite attention.

    That was the opening of my first ever Astonishing Adventure, entitled ‘The Peculiar Prostitute Predicament’, a thrilling tale about murderous harlots which enraptured the globe, leaving people on the edge of their seats as the action unfolded. It also introduced the world to my glorious self – Lord Likely, Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-Man of Action. From that day on, literature would ne’er again be the same, and society would be fundamentally altered for all time. And, of course, millions upon millions of ladies would begin to view their partners with acute disappointment, dismayed to find them failing to measure up in comparison to me. Quite literally, in most instances.

    Since then, my adventures have gone from strength to strength, wowing more and more readers with each new fresh exploit. Admiring words have poured forth from my myriad readers, including the national press, when The Guardian newspaper declared my adventures to be one of the ‘best of the web’ three years ago (see the sidebar, left). Celebrated performers of the day have also stepped forth to heap praise upon my deserving shoulders, such as comic actorMr. Rob Riggle, who wrote to me stating, ‘I am a fan. Well done, sir….I throughly enjoyed reading your site and I look forward to reading more of your adventures!‘ A very astute chap indeed, that one.

    I have also been drawn by modern artists, joined forces with talented authors such as Mr. Darren Craske and Mr. Jonathan Pinnock and formed an uneasy alliance with the bafflingly popular musician, Professor Elemental. I have even conquered the airwaves in the form of my own astonishing audio play, and I have made exemplary use of this new-fangled moving picture technology, as you can see below. There is no medium I cannot thrive in!

    Truly, it has been a fantastic and formidable five years, and I am truly grateful for anyone who has stopped by to read my words, or who has left a comment, or who has befriended me ‘pon the Twittering Device or the Book of Many Faces. You are all superlative souls, and I should like to buy you all a drink. Just one between you all, mind. You shall have to pass it around. I am not made of money (unlike the suit I am currently wearing, I hasten to add).

    Despite such a delectable half-decade of dazzlement, I am not going to rest upon my laurels, no matter how comfortable they may be. The next couple of months shall be a veritable whirlwind of activity based around my Wooden Jubilee, including all sorts of wonders. There shall be laughter. There shall be highly-charged eroticism. There shall be special prizes, and – most importantly – an all-new Astonishing Adventure. EGAD!

    So do be sure to keep coming back, for I would hate you all to miss anything. But I do ask that you bring a bottle, for above all else, I intend to get blind, roaringly DRUNK in celebration.

    Let the party commence!

    Toodle-pip!

    - Lord Likely.

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    Comments

    6 incredible interjections thus far.

    Sir Stevenship of Kirkendallshire

    My Lord, as the great Bard himself did write:-
    “Be not afraid of wood:
    some are born with wood,
    some achieve wood,
    and some have wood thrust upon them”.

    May your esteemed organ broadcast at ever greater length.
    Yours, at full mast,
    Sir Stevenship of Kirkendallshire.

    Sir Stevenship of Kirkendallshire, February 25th, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Lord Likely

    Many thanks, kind sir! It seems the great bard was somewhat obsessed with wood…perhaps he should be known as ‘the great board’?

    - Lord Likely.

    Lord Likely, February 25th, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Countess Misha

    My Darling Lord Likely,

    With a glass in hand and a leg up (preferably wrapped around your neck), Cheers on your Wooden Anniversary! Come by and celebrate, love.

    With waiting lips,
    Countess Misha

    Countess Misha, February 26th, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    Lord Likely’s Top Fives

    [...] THE fifth anniversary of my Astonishing Adventures continues unabated, I thought I would adhere to the ‘five’ [...]

    Lord Likely’s Top Fives, February 27th, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    Lord Likely

    My Dear Countess,

    I can think of no better way to celebrate! Huzzah!

    With mounting anticipation,

    Lord Likely.

    Lord Likely, February 28th, 2012 at 1:41 am

    Upper Class Twitter

    [...] to celebrate my four and a half years of top-class tweeting (and because this is the year of my Wooden Jubilee), here are my ten best ‘Tweets’, according to favstar.fm. Do please [...]

    Upper Class Twitter, May 26th, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Speak Forth to the Lord

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    About His Lordship

    Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.

    Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing

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