13 October 2009
Please Top-Up the Top-Hat
BEING A RICH and ridiculously wealthy member of the aristocracy, I myself ne’er need worry about money again, or if I do it is merely to worry about where I shall keep it all, or whether or not a vagrant will try and thieve it from me. Otherwise, my financial concerns are next to non-existent.
The same, however, cannot be said for my wretched scribe Mr. A.D Fanton, who is currently so overladen with financial concerns that I fear his weak shoulders shall snap clean off.
Having been made unemployed about six weeks ago (through no fault of his own, staggeringly enough), my scribe has been enduring great difficulty in not only securing further employment (well, he IS wretched, after all), but also in securing so much as one, single penny from Her Majesty’s government with which to feed and house himself while searching for suitable work.
The bilge-headed bureaucratic bastards have delayed his progress at ev’ry turn, through woeful ignorance or downright incompetence (such as losing a form my wordsmith filled out right in front of their accursed eyes). Suffice to say, this has left Mr. Fanton in some decidedly dire straits, ever-hungry and nervously eyeing up the front door for fear of bailiffs smashing through it and taking his worldly possessions (one hat, and a cup), before hurling him out into the street like the rubbish he is. And so, uncertainty and woe are now his only bedfellows – not that he has e’er attracted anyone else into his filthy, grime-encrusted pit.
Anyway: the upshot of it all is that Mr. Fanton has come to realise that the only good thing in his miserable existence is this very web-site you now read, which he works upon with all the dogged determination of a determined dog, bringing thrilling adventure and exhilarating mysteries to your eyeballs every week.
This he does for the princely sum of no pence, save the odd contribution from generous donators (of whom we are truly grateful). However, in hard times such as these, Mr. Fanton is forced to – once again – come top-hat-in-hand, and beg for your generosity, for without it he simply cannot progress. Largely because his inter-net connection shall probably be shut off at any moment, but I digress.
So, how may you be of assistance?
1. Donate! If Mr. Fanton’s daubings and scribblings have at all amused you (which they jolly well should do, seeing as how they’re sourced from my EXCELLENT diaries), then mayhaps you shall consider throwing a shilling or two into the topper. Or perhaps a shilling per smile, one pound per chuckle, ten guineas for a belly-laugh, and a sack of gold for each instance of overwhelming, trouser-soiling merriment.
You may donate via the PayChum button coming up…any…moment..NOW.
Anything you can spare shall be gratefully and eagerly appreciated, friends. Ideally, we’d like to ensure Mr. Fanton can stay in his actual home, and possibly eat as well, a rare luxury indeed! (Which, as frivolous as it sounds, is actually depressingly true). We both are continually astonished by how our loyal readers lend their incredible when crisis looms it’s ugly, wart-spotted face, and such generosity is never taken for granted.
As such, all those kind of enough to toss a coin shall be invited to gain entrance to my magnificent Member’s Lounge, wherein you shall find exclusive, hitherto unseen, Likely treasures, as well as upcoming give-aways and other INCREDIBLE wonders! If you cannot spare any cash (I know the economic climate is ‘a bit buggery’, as economists term it), then do not fear, I shall think no less of you!
2. Hire-A-Fanton! As well as spreading the word (through the Twittering device or whatnot), perhaps you might know of someone who is looking to hire a cartoonist or writer, or perhaps you yourself require such services? Mr. Fanton can do both (just about), and is most keen to begin any future, paying commission! Just email me at email@example.com and I shall put you in touch with the cove!
3. Advertise! If you are interested in getting a Victorian-themed advertisement made for your web-site or business, to be proudly displayed in these very journals, or are intrigued by the notion of somehow sponsoring our endeavours, please do contact me through electrical letter, and let us discuss!
4. Buy Clothing! And finally, Mr. Fanton has a range of t-shaped shirts on sale, some of which feature ME, so feel quite free to purchase many by visiting his little store, Mr. Fanton At Redbubble.
And, there we have it. If you can help my stinking scribe out of this sticky wicket, then we both shall be truly, truly humbled and thankful.
And then, if he is able to successfully traverse this awful bump in the road, then perhaps Mr. Fanton will be free to toil away on the myriad exciting Likely-based projects he has in the works all that much quicker!…
Many fully-engorged thanks, and toodle-pip!
- Lord Likely.
We now return you to the Astonishing Adventure in progress.