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  • The Crest of Lord Likely

    05 July 2010

    ‘Tis A Knockout

    GATHER ROUND, ladies and gentle-men, and listen closely, for I, Lord Likely – Aristocratic Adventurer, Gentle-Man of Action and Giver of Gifts – have decided to bestow a wondrous treat to a select few of YOU, my remarkable readers!

    YES! In a staggering display of generosity, the likes of which the world has not seen since Mr. J. Christ decided to feed five-thousand people, I am GIVING AWAY some frankly marvellous Likely merchandise! EGAD!

    ONE lucky person shall walk away with their life improved DRAMATICALLY by the addition of these WONDROUS PRIZES:

    * ONE eye-poppingly beautiful Lord Likely print (measuring 201mm x 305mm), featuring my  handsome visage painted in a glorious palate  of reds, yellows and blues,  finished off with the word  ’Grope’ in bold letters – perfect for adding an erotic touch to any living-room, parlour or child’s  nursery.

    * ONE thrilling ‘Bear Knuckle Boxing’ card, featuring my ravishing,  topless form, smacking the seven-bells out of a fearsome grizzly. Just the  ticket for sending to that bear-hating, Likely-loving relative!

    * And finally, ONE ‘Dead Posh’ sticker, replete with my strikingly good-looking skeleton. Ideal for sticking to your refrigeration units, cupboards or even affixing firmly to your face, to demonstrate your true, unswerving loyalty to me!

    BUT THAT IS NOT ALL! As well as one person bagging all three items, TWO MORE lucky, lucky souls will each win themselves a ‘Bear Knuckle Boxing’ card, and a ‘Dead Posh’ sticker. I know, my benevolence truly knows NO BOUNDS.

    Winning the pant-soilingly perfect prizes could not be simpler, either. All you need to do is leave a suitably grovelling, begging and pleading comment in the comments section below, and then I shall choose three of you to be blessed with the goods! Staggeringly simple, no?

    The competition shall close on Wednesday the 14th of July, so get on your knees and beg RIGHT AWAY! And the very best of British luck to you all!

    Toodle-pip!

    - Lord Likely.

    Should you not wish to leave things to chance, all the prizes are available to purchase in my new virtual shop at RedBubble, along with other delights, such as t-shaped shirts, posters and ‘hoodies’, whatever they might be. HUZZAH!

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    Comments

    23 incredible interjections thus far.

    Zan

    Oh grant me these sublime treasures M’Lord. Permit me to display these distinctive symbols of your Lordliness. Take pity on me as I do not possess anything of my own beneath the sun. For the glory of your name, and the elevation of my own low person, that has no other recourse than begging.

    Zan, July 5th, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Corcoran

    M’lud; it is is, Corcoran McChuselwit. I know I am not fit, sir, to gaze upon yon coffers. But I do submit myself to thee and begs for your kindness and grace, my lord. Forsooth I can present my eldest daughter, Mary; she’s of age, some 13 years and proven an asset to our meagre household. She cooks and polishes all manner of brass and knobware and darns those most valuable ‘gentleman’s alonetime socks’. In short, sir, she’s more valuable than a goat, but less valuable than a ‘dead posh’ sticker for my wife’s rotund bottom.

    Corcoran, July 5th, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    Melissa

    *drops to knees as commanded*
    M’lord…if you please, I’d much rather let my skills rather than my words do the begging.

    Melissa, July 5th, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Miss Hazard

    Oh my! *faints a spell*

    The only thing that could be more exciting than an image of your impeccable form boxing a bear would be that ravishing form in my chambers! If your lordship would find it pleasing, I’d accept either one.

    Miss Hazard, July 5th, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    Purplemontart

    Huzzah! Huzzah, I say! The greatest novelty items brought forth since Sir Wattingston created Watty’s Portable Globe with Snow and a Town!

    I must ask, my Lord, to be receiving of your generous bounty. I know your glorious gaze will cast itself across these interjections and most likely pass across mine without a second glance, but please, my Lord. Your “Grope” poster would look much better on the wall in my bedroom than that blasted wife of mine.

    Sir your benevolence is second to none, and a great deal higher than the tallest mountain. I thank you for reading this pleading post, my Lord.

    Purplemontart, July 6th, 2010 at 2:11 am

    Kortni

    Aw go on you know you want to ;)

    Kortni, July 6th, 2010 at 3:45 am

    Danny Garside

    you are THE sex.

    Danny Garside, July 7th, 2010 at 11:27 am

    Jason Fernie

    Oh Great and humble ceaser. You grace me with the honor of reading your humble words of awesomeness! One problem though is that the gift I have for you won’t fit in this email. “RAWRRRRR” I got a grizzely bear with a top hat that basically says MY WORK IS AWESOME or MY BEAR WILL HELP YOU UNDERSTAND MY GREATNESS!

    Jason Fernie, July 9th, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Lord Likely

    Excellent, excellent – there is a high level of fawning going on here, which does please my eyeballs immensely, and my proud Palmerston.

    Keep it up, chums!

    - Lord Likely.

    Lord Likely, July 9th, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    thingymajigg

    You are expecting some grovelling? Well Bugger Off I say! Give me the prizes otherwise I shall be forced to remove your manhood! And what would your royal ‘ayeness be without that I wonder.
    Come on now, hand them over.

    thingymajigg, July 9th, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    dianthac

    I wuold beg on my knees, but the last time I did that, it ended up taking all weekend! I would thorougly enjoy your visage upon my wall! What generosity! What benevolence! What bounteousness!

    dianthac, July 9th, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    X-Wide P

    As always, your wish is my command, kind Sir, what be your bidding, this time?

    X-Wide P, July 9th, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Ms. Fanny Rogers

    I am astonished at this amazing plethora of astoundingly desirable treats offered up for the potential enjoyment of your many fervent admirers!

    Would you please, M’lord, deign to allow me a chance at such stunning largess? I can assure you I would be grateful in bountiful measure and exhaustive detail.

    *graceful curtsey*

    Ms. Fanny Rogers, July 10th, 2010 at 3:03 am

    Bristow of Bristol

    I have not prayed to God for along time, partly because he never answers and partly because, I believe, you sir are my new God! If you answer my bequests and grant me these wondrous gifts, i swear I will do all in my power to, not only set up a church to you, but also wipe out the poor people who you so detest. Choose well Lord. Amen.

    Bristow of Bristol, July 10th, 2010 at 8:37 am

    Mrs S.Vashti Rennacker

    Dear Lord Likely if I were fortunate enough to be granted your delightful bounty, then at last my husband and son would have constant reminders of what they should be aspiring to. It would have the added benefit of saving on heating bills as I would be able to get hot and bothered just by gazing on your handsome features.

    Mrs S.Vashti Rennacker, July 10th, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    Saire May

    I’m am truly not worthy of such amazing treasures, but would be humbled and honoured to own such masterpieces.

    Saire May, July 14th, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    P.L. Frederick

    Hey.

    P.L. Frederick, July 14th, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    SnotRag Dave

    Seems that one is expected to grovel profusely before Your Lordship as a means of obtaining the aforementioned spoils. Pah! I shall bow down before no man! There is no one of my gender so worthy as to be granted such privilege! Certainly, though, if said request were proffered by the Lady of the manor… it would be my honor to oblige her needs, thrusting my countenance into her lap of luxury, assuring her of a most pleasurable fulfillment and, by result of delivering her heavenly body to its highest celestial point, gaining for myself the chattels which you have so graciously provided.

    SnotRag Dave, July 14th, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Lord Likely

    MARVELLOUS work, chums – some truly first-rate toadying has been on display here, and I tip my hat in your general direction!

    The contest is now closed, with the three lucky winners to be announced soon.

    Good luck, all!

    - Lord Likely.

    Lord Likely, July 15th, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Trauma Queen

    oh boy!

    Trauma Queen, July 15th, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Lord Likely’s Literary Love-Pump

    [...] LIKELY’S CORKING CONTEST WINNERS! You may remember me holding a contest a couple of weeks ago, wherein three lucky readers could win some FABULOUS Likely-themed prizes [...]

    Lord Likely’s Literary Love-Pump, July 23rd, 2010 at 1:59 am

    Double the Pleasure!

    [...] JOURNALS  have not exactly been bereft of excellence of late, what with a corking competition, ball-burstingly brilliant book reviews, an excellent article revealing the incredible work that [...]

    Double the Pleasure!, July 31st, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Andrew Goulding

    Damnations! I’m too late.

    Andrew Goulding, August 22nd, 2010 at 2:37 am

    Speak Forth to the Lord

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    About His Lordship

    Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.

    Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing

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