05 November 2008
Two Hundred
These past couple of days have born witness to an event so earth-shattering that I dare say the world will never be the same again. Truly, the incredible developments of this week will reverberate throughout history, and will be spoken of in awe for many, many generations to come.
For you see, dear readers, this week marks the two-hundredth entry in my incredible journals.
The ink had no sooner dried on my previous chapter when I realised that I had also just completed the one hundred and ninety-ninth account of my astonishing adventures, and that my two-hundredth addition was imminent. Needless to say, I was left exhilarated, thrilled and enormously aroused by this turn of events, and decided immediately to celebrate this most fabulous occasion in a manner worthy of its magnificence.
“Botter!” I exclaimed, tipping over my ink-pot with my fully engorged member. “I am about to mark my two-hundredth entry into my fabulous diaries!”
“Well done, milord,” Botter replied.
“Yes, it was rather,” I smiled. “Do you know what, Botter? I feel like celebrating!”
“Oh, must you?” Botter answered, the colour draining from his face.
“Yes! Yes I must! Two-hundred insertions is not to be overlooked, you know!” Suddenly a most wonderful and fantastic idea popped into my equally wonderful and fantastic head. “Egads! That’s it, Botter!”
“What’s what?”
“I shall celebrate my two-hundredth insertion by performing two hundred insertions tomorrow! And by ‘insertions’ I think you know what I mean…”
“Oh no, milord,” Botter gasped.
“Oh YES! Botter, you must find me two hundred eminently pumpable women, post-haste! This is one celebration that will most certainly go off with a bang! Or two hundred.”
“B-but where am I going to find two hundred women at such short notice?” my foul-smelling man-servant whined.
“If you book them, Botter, they shall come,” I grinned. “And then, they shall come hard.”
I awoke the next morning to a cacophonous racket from outside the mansion. I flung back the bedcovers, slipped on a dressing gown to preserve my modesty (I always sleep nude, so that I am ready for action in a trice) and popped my top hat on my head. Then I opened up the windows of my bed-chamber, and stepped out onto the balcony.
This is what I saw.
Row upon row of women, all clamouring for my lordly love-shaft. A mass of mimsy as far as the eye could see, a veritable sea of snatch. ‘Twas like I had died and gone to fanny heaven.
“I did it milord!” piped a feeble voice from below. There, standing beneath my window, was Botter, looking considerably the worse for wear. “It took me all night, but I did it milord!”
“Yes, yes,” I snapped. “What do you want, a medal?”
“Yes?”
“Well tough titties, Botter! I do not believe they give out medals for being appalling. Now move out of the way, you wretched oik! I rather fear you are cramping my style.”
Botter apologised and skulked away, leaving me alone with hundreds of nob-hungry females.
“LADIES, LADIES!” I yelled, in order that I might be heard over the row. As my voice boomed across the Likely Estate, the women ceased their nattering and turned to face me. With their attention fully focused on my fine form, I shed my dressing gown and bared my naked glory to the crowd.
“Now then…who’s first?” I beamed.
I shall never forget what happened next, as long as there is still breath left in my beautiful body. As soon as the words left my lips, excitable screams filled the air, and the women surged forward as one, before turning upon one another as they attempted to fight their way to the front of the queue, and thus the tip of my shaft.
Dresses were torn, teeth were broken, legs were crushed and hats were trampled upon; it was a scene of complete and utter cock-fuelled chaos.
Naturally, I was overjoyed, although my joy soon turned to deep concern, as the fighting became more and more brutal, leaving me wondering if any of the women present would be left in a fit enough (or attractive enough) state to receive my thunderous thrustings. The grounds of my estate were beginning to resemble some sort of battlefield, albeit a battlefield with big, beautiful breasts.
“Jesus cocking Christ!” I yelled, as I watched one unfortunate woman’s nose explode in a shower of scarlet as another lady smashed at it with her parasol. “This is going to be a ruddy bloodbath!”
Just as I was beginning to regret my course of action, I noticed a rather stunning, dark-haired figure battling her way towards me, staving off her rivals with the judicious use of her handbag, which seemed to be packing quite a wallop. As she neared me, I noticed that her dress had been torn in such a way that it left one of her fantastically fulsome and firm funbags exposed, which I recognised almost immediately.
“Dorothy?” I cried.
“It is I, my lord!” panted the delectable Dorothy Mount-Worthy.
“I thought as much!” I proclaimed. “I never forget a breast!”
I had already had the pleasure of ploughing Miss Mount-Worthy a couple of months previously, along with her good friend Maud Dreadful. The latter had proven to be anything but dreadful, and Miss Mount-Worthy was every bit as thrilling as her surname suggested. To see her again made my heart leap into my mouth, and I wasted no time in descending the staircase to my front door, to welcome the delightful filly as she finally staggered up the stairs to the entrance of my mansion.
Even with her clothes torn apart, her hair ruffled and with a few bruises upon her arm from her struggles, dear Dorothy still looked as gorgeous as she had done on that day back in August, and as her big, beautiful blue eyes beheld me, her full, kissable lips curled into a heart-warming smile. I knew right there and then that she was most certainly the woman for me.
At least for the next couple of hours.
I kissed her briefly in the doorway (which I do not mean in any euphemistic form whatsoever), and ushered her gently into the house, slamming the door hard behind me, and bolting it up for good measure, lest any of the sex-starved slatterns outside tried to break in.
“‘Tis a pleasure to see you again, my dear,” I said, as I drew the final lock fast. “Tell me, what brings you back up this way?”
“Well, my lord…” Dorothy began.
“Please, there is no need for such formality! We have, after all, exchanged bodily fluids and explored one another’s genitals! You may call me by my first name, my love.”
“Oh!” Dorothy exclaimed. “I…I am afraid I do not know your first name.”
“Ah. Well, never mind. You may call me ‘your lordship’ instead, then.”
“Well, your lordship, a rather strange little man came and told me about this event you were holding, and I thought that it sounded like far too much fun to pass up. And, seeing as how to-day is my birthday and all, I thought I would…treat myself…”
“It is your birthday? To-day? Good heavens! Then we must have a double celebration!” I cried, clapping my hands together excitedly. “Wait just one precious moment, my dearest…I believe I may well have a present for you…”
I disappeared briefly into one of my many bath-rooms, and reemerged moments later, clad in one of my finest dressing-gowns, made from the finest Chinese silk. I must have looked even more handsome than usual, for Dorothy let out a very audible gasp of delight.
“Happy birthday, my sweet!” I smiled, and then I slowly undid my gown and slid it off my shoulders, leaving me utterly nude once more, save for a large, red ribbon I had tied around my proud Lord Palmerston.
“Is…is that for me?” Dorothy whispered, pointing at my gift-wrapped glory-pole.
“It most certainly is,” I grinned. “I should very much like to give it to you, my dear. Many times over, if possible.”
Dorothy looked up at me with those pretty eyes, and smiled, and before I knew it she was upon me. Needless to say, we made mad, passionate, sweaty, sticky, glorious, thundering love two hundred times over the course of the next few days, in two hundred different positions.
Here, then, is to the next two-hundred entries!
Toodle-pip!
- Lord Likely.
Announcement! Lord Likely wishes to dedicate today’s journal entry to all his loyal readers, subscribers, and commentators; all of whom he wishes he could thank personally and passionately. Furthermore, his lordship would also like to offer an additional dedication to his darling Kerry, who’s birthday it is to-day, coincidentally! Please join his lordship in wishing her the happiest of days, as well as congratulating his lordship himself on his two-hundredth post. Hip hip! HUZZAH!
Next Time in The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: A Brand New Illustrated Indiscretion!
Hungry for more inter-net based fiction? Then may I suggest you peruse The Web Fiction Guide, Pages Unbound or The Blog Fiction Blog, all of which are thoroughly excellent, due in no small part to the fact that I am listed with them all. Huzzah!
