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Likely's Whore-Box
Completed Tales
- The Likely Letters
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- Our Mutual Fiend
- Botter's Astonishing Adventure
- The Bloody Baffling Buckingham Bluff
- One Score and Four
- A Christmas Carry On
- Lord Likely and the Bloody Nuisances
- The Puzzling Pearl Necklace Puzzle
- The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane
- Likely Vs Loathsome
- Disaster At The Likely Estate
- The Beast With Two Backs
- Likely Is One
- Lord Likely And The Flash Man
- The Curious Case of The Conjuring Calamity
- An Astonishing American Adventure
- The Mystery of the Missing Moustache
- The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov
- The Peculiar Prostitute Predicament
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An Astonishing American Adventure
Back on Track
Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
July, 1856. After leaving my room, stopping off only to roger a young serving lady on the way (to assure myself that I had not gone completely homosexual after my night with Abraham Lincoln), I ventured downstairs where my brother Ludlow and Botter were waiting for me. Ludlow was incandescent with rage. “What is all [...]
Tags: Abraham Lincoln, botter, Lightnin Lance Likely, Lord Likely, Ludlow Likely
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 13 Comments »
The Morning After
Saturday, September 15th, 2007
July, 1856 I awoke the next morning in a daze, not quite sure of where I was or, indeed, who I was. “Lord Likely,” said a voice beside me. Ah yes, I thought. How could I forget that I was Lord Likely, aristocratic adventurer, gentle-man of action, full-time sexual acrobat and all round glorious bastard, [...]
Tags: Abraham Lincoln, civil war, Lord Likely, union
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 9 Comments »
Lincoln Sausage
Monday, September 10th, 2007
July, 1856. Despite Ludlow’s rather vocal protests, I decided to go off and fraternize with the other guests at the party, in the vain hope that at least one of them might want to roger me senseless. Alas, all I seemed to meet were uptight, prissy socialites who took offence at my usual party trick [...]
Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Barcelona Ritz, drunk, emancipation, Filthy Arsehole, Kalamazoo, Lord Likely, Ludlow Likely, New-York Evening Post, party, sausage, slavery, William Cullen Bryant
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 15 Comments »
A Rather Drunk Englishman in New York
Friday, September 7th, 2007
July, 1856. Ludlow led Botter and I into his considerably spacious abode on the outskirts of New York City, stubbornly refusing to impart more information about my father’s continued existence. “Oh, don’t let us worry about that now!” he kept saying absently, ignoring my desire to very much worry about it now. I could have [...]
Tags: botter, Calvert Vaux, Central Park, drunk, Emily-Rose Likely, Frederick Law Olmstead, Lord Eustace Likely, Lord Likely, Ludlow Likely, New York, party
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 12 Comments »
The Outlawed Likely
Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
July, 1856. It is not often one learns that they have a hitherto unknown half-brother, who is on the run from the law and who is partial to wanton acts of bestiality. Indeed, many people may go through their entire life without learning such a fact. However, the Likely family tree is a tangled, over-grown [...]
Tags: botter, crotch, Dinkle County, Lady Tabitha Likely, Lightnin Lance Likely, Lord Eustace Likely, Lord Likely, Ludlow Likely, New York, rescue mission, wanted
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 11 Comments »
Falling From the Family Tree
Friday, August 31st, 2007
July, 1856 I emerged from the police station, blinking, into the hot, bright, sunny streets of New York. People bustled through the city, trying to avoid getting run over by one of the numerous carriages that swept up and down the road, seemingly intent on not stopping for anyone. “Fuck me, it’s warm,” I said, [...]
Tags: botter, Guy Fawkes, James II, Lightnin Lance Likely, Lord Likely, Ludlow Likely, New York, New-York Evening Post, Shirley Swallows
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 7 Comments »
The Law is an Ass
Tuesday, August 28th, 2007
July 1856 My eyes snapped open, and I sat bolt upright, sweat pouring off of my brow. “Where in the name of cockery am I?” I yelled, leaping to my feet, letting a filthy cotton bed-sheet fall to the ground as I did. I attempted to survey my strange surroundings, but the room appeared to [...]
Tags: America, ass, botter, Captain Dick Jerker, jail, Lord Likely, Ludlow Likely, New York
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 12 Comments »
The Jerker Report
Saturday, August 25th, 2007
July, 1856. From the report of Captain Dick Jerker, of the New York City Police Department: I ordered my men to continue firing upon the pirate ship ‘The Hairy Clam‘ that was advancing onto US shores, until I saw the vessel rocked with explosions and saw it sink beneath the waves, no doubt taking it’s [...]
Tags: botter, Captain Dick Jerker, jail, Lord Likely, New York, police, The Hairy Clam, United States of America
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 12 Comments »
A Warm Welcome to America
Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
July, 1856. As we approached solid land for the first time in weeks, I could clearly see the stars and stripes of the American flag flying from the roof-top of a small building on the coast. Either we had chanced upon another country with precisely the same flag as the US, or we were finally [...]
Tags: America, botter, cannon, rum, The Hairy Clam, vomit
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 9 Comments »
What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor?
Sunday, August 19th, 2007
July, 1856 And so, having taken complete and utter control of the Hairy Clam, we continued to sail onwards to America, to answer the call from my brother, Ludlow. I say ‘we’, but of course Botter did most of the actual sailing, while I decided to relieve the ship of it’s supplies of rum, of [...]
Tags: alcohol, botter, drunk, Ludlow Likely, sailing, shark, The Hairy Clam, United States of America
Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 16 Comments »
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About His Lordship
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing
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Send his lordship your letters, nude pictographs, declarations of love and wads of cash by clicking upon the most handsome stamp above!
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All funds raised go towards his lordship's drinking fund, with absolutely NO proceeds going to the homeless or any other filthy wastrels
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