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  • The Crest of Lord Likely

    An Astonishing American Adventure

    Back on Track

    Tuesday, September 18th, 2007

    July, 1856. After leaving my room, stopping off only to roger a young serving lady on the way (to assure myself that I had not gone completely homosexual after my night with Abraham Lincoln), I ventured downstairs where my brother Ludlow and Botter were waiting for me. Ludlow was incandescent with rage. “What is all [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 13 Comments »

    The Morning After

    Saturday, September 15th, 2007

    July, 1856 I awoke the next morning in a daze, not quite sure of where I was or, indeed, who I was. “Lord Likely,” said a voice beside me. Ah yes, I thought. How could I forget that I was Lord Likely, aristocratic adventurer, gentle-man of action, full-time sexual acrobat and all round glorious bastard, [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 9 Comments »

    Lincoln Sausage

    Monday, September 10th, 2007

    July, 1856. Despite Ludlow’s rather vocal protests, I decided to go off and fraternize with the other guests at the party, in the vain hope that at least one of them might want to roger me senseless. Alas, all I seemed to meet were uptight, prissy socialites who took offence at my usual party trick [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 15 Comments »

    A Rather Drunk Englishman in New York

    Friday, September 7th, 2007

    July, 1856. Ludlow led Botter and I into his considerably spacious abode on the outskirts of New York City, stubbornly refusing to impart more information about my father’s continued existence. “Oh, don’t let us worry about that now!” he kept saying absently, ignoring my desire to very much worry about it now. I could have [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 12 Comments »

    The Outlawed Likely

    Tuesday, September 4th, 2007

    July, 1856. It is not often one learns that they have a hitherto unknown half-brother, who is on the run from the law and who is partial to wanton acts of bestiality. Indeed, many people may go through their entire life without learning such a fact. However, the Likely family tree is a tangled, over-grown [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 11 Comments »

    Falling From the Family Tree

    Friday, August 31st, 2007

    July, 1856 I emerged from the police station, blinking, into the hot, bright, sunny streets of New York. People bustled through the city, trying to avoid getting run over by one of the numerous carriages that swept up and down the road, seemingly intent on not stopping for anyone. “Fuck me, it’s warm,” I said, [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 7 Comments »

    The Law is an Ass

    Tuesday, August 28th, 2007

    July 1856 My eyes snapped open, and I sat bolt upright, sweat pouring off of my brow. “Where in the name of cockery am I?” I yelled, leaping to my feet, letting a filthy cotton bed-sheet fall to the ground as I did. I attempted to survey my strange surroundings, but the room appeared to [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 12 Comments »

    The Jerker Report

    Saturday, August 25th, 2007

    July, 1856. From the report of Captain Dick Jerker, of the New York City Police Department: I ordered my men to continue firing upon the pirate ship ‘The Hairy Clam‘ that was advancing onto US shores, until I saw the vessel rocked with explosions and saw it sink beneath the waves, no doubt taking it’s [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 12 Comments »

    A Warm Welcome to America

    Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

    July, 1856. As we approached solid land for the first time in weeks, I could clearly see the stars and stripes of the American flag flying from the roof-top of a small building on the coast. Either we had chanced upon another country with precisely the same flag as the US, or we were finally [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 9 Comments »

    What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor?

    Sunday, August 19th, 2007

    July, 1856 And so, having taken complete and utter control of the Hairy Clam, we continued to sail onwards to America, to answer the call from my brother, Ludlow. I say ‘we’, but of course Botter did most of the actual sailing, while I decided to relieve the ship of it’s supplies of rum, of [...]

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    Posted in An Astonishing American Adventure | 16 Comments »

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    About His Lordship

    Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.

    Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing

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