YOU MAY well hear talk of some sort of diamond jubilee taking place this year, but I urge you all to dispel such nonsense from your minds immediately. There is only one jubilee worth celebrating and that, my dear readers, is MINE. For this year sees the fifth anniversary of my Astonishing Adventures, or my ‘Wooden Jubilee’, as I like to call it. Rather apt for a fellow who himself will often be found to be ‘sporting wood’.

It was upon this day, five years ago, that I took pen to hand and wrote the following wondrous words:

“Being a hard-working member of the aristocracy is tiresome fare indeed. When not deciding which hat to wear, or attending private functions, or stabbing a beggar, there are countless other tasks which all vie for my finite attention.

That was the opening of my first ever Astonishing Adventure, entitled ‘The Peculiar Prostitute Predicament’, a thrilling tale about murderous harlots which enraptured the globe, leaving people on the edge of their seats as the action unfolded. It also introduced the world to my glorious self – Lord Likely, Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-Man of Action. From that day on, literature would ne’er again be the same, and society would be fundamentally altered for all time. And, of course, millions upon millions of ladies would begin to view their partners with acute disappointment, dismayed to find them failing to measure up in comparison to me. Quite literally, in most instances.

Since then, my adventures have gone from strength to strength, wowing more and more readers with each new fresh exploit. Admiring words have poured forth from my myriad readers, including the national press, when The Guardian newspaper declared my adventures to be one of the ‘best of the web’ three years ago (see the sidebar, left). Celebrated performers of the day have also stepped forth to heap praise upon my deserving shoulders, such as comic actorMr. Rob Riggle, who wrote to me stating, ‘I am a fan. Well done, sir….I throughly enjoyed reading your site and I look forward to reading more of your adventures!‘ A very astute chap indeed, that one.

I have also been drawn by modern artists, joined forces with talented authors such as Mr. Darren Craske and Mr. Jonathan Pinnock and formed an uneasy alliance with the bafflingly popular musician, Professor Elemental. I have even conquered the airwaves in the form of my own astonishing audio play, and I have made exemplary use of this new-fangled moving picture technology, as you can see below. There is no medium I cannot thrive in!

Truly, it has been a fantastic and formidable five years, and I am truly grateful for anyone who has stopped by to read my words, or who has left a comment, or who has befriended me ‘pon the Twittering Device or the Book of Many Faces. You are all superlative souls, and I should like to buy you all a drink. Just one between you all, mind. You shall have to pass it around. I am not made of money (unlike the suit I am currently wearing, I hasten to add).

Despite such a delectable half-decade of dazzlement, I am not going to rest upon my laurels, no matter how comfortable they may be. The next couple of months shall be a veritable whirlwind of activity based around my Wooden Jubilee, including all sorts of wonders. There shall be laughter. There shall be highly-charged eroticism. There shall be special prizes, and – most importantly – an all-new Astonishing Adventure. EGAD!

So do be sure to keep coming back, for I would hate you all to miss anything. But I do ask that you bring a bottle, for above all else, I intend to get blind, roaringly DRUNK in celebration.

Let the party commence!

Toodle-pip!

- Lord Likely.

HOLD ONTO your hats, dear readers – for my most ASTONISHING ADVENTURE yet is on the horizon!

YES! I, Lord Likely – Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-Man of Action – shall be embarking on a most THRILLING twenty-four hour escapade, with a fresh chapter arriving EVERY HOUR on the hour betwixt midday on the 28th of January, until midday on the 29th January! That is twenty four NEW chapters of my astonishing adventures, all in ONE DAY! Truly, you are all being spoiled rotten!

Each exciting episode of this extraordinary tale shall be written on the day itself by my scribe, Mr. Andrew D. Fanton, who has agreed to go without sleep for the duration of this adventure! (I say ‘agreed’, I mean ‘grudgingly assented to do so lest I battered his head to a pulp’) so you shall be able to WATCH in AMAZEMENT as the story unfolds RIGHT BEFORE your VERY (stunned) EYES!

Furthermore, if you are following my WILDLY ENTERTAINING antics ‘pon the Twittering Device or in the Book of Faces (which you jolly well should be, you know), YOU shall be able to help shape the story at key points! Imagine that, dear friends – Lord Likely at your very mercy!

It promises to be a SENSATIONAL SPECTACULAR, which will quite possibly leave the world CHANGED FOREVER, and for the better. Be sure not to miss out on this most magnificent of mysteries, dear readers, lest you be derided by your peers for ever more – might I suggest you take this opportunity to SUBSCRIBE to my journals so that you do not miss one ruddy thing!

So, in summary: that’s One Score and Four; a live, twenty-four hour adventure, commencing 12pm on the 28th January, and concluding at midday the following day.

Do please join me, for the TIME of your LIVES!

- Lord Likely.

Post-script: In far less interesting news, my scribe now has his very own website and web-log. Visit andyfanton.com if you want to see his scrawls, or if you are foolish enough to wish to hire the wretch!