The Astonishing Adventures of
Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action
"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."
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THE LONDON LOOKER
"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."
LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER
"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."
THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS
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THE TOWN CRIER
Sunday, May 6th, 2007
April, 1856
While Botter was enjoying his romantic liaison with The Bear, I was busying myself by creeping into Ivan Romanov’s office, gun at the ready.
The office was large and spacious, with a large, dominating map of the world affixed to the wall. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that most of the globe had been coloured [...]
Tags: botter, Ivan Romanov, love, Miss Eileen Nipples, testicle, The Bear, world domination
Posted in The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov | 5 Comments »
Sunday, April 29th, 2007
April, 1856
Ivan Romanov circled Botter and I, keeping his pistol trained upon us as he did so.
“Lord Likely,” he snarled. “The aristocratic adventurer. The gentle-man of action. The Victorian vigilante.”
“It is nice to know I am as well known in Russia as I am here at home,” I said. “And I did not even have [...]
Tags: Crimean War, Ivan Romanov, Miss Eileen Nipples, pistols, Russian, scheme, spit
Posted in The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
April, 1856
“Miss Eileen Nipples, deceased. Death by choking, by all accounts,” said Inspector Spunkleford as Botter and I arrived at the crime scene, a dingy alley just off of Stenchfurst Road.
“How can you die joking?” queried Botter, mishearing the good Inspector. I hit my servant sharply in the gut with my cane.
“Please, do go on, [...]
Tags: Albert Spunkleford, botter, fugitives, Miss Eileen Nipples, murder
Posted in The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov | 3 Comments »
Sunday, April 8th, 2007
April, 1856
When I finally returned to consciousness, I found that I was still naked, and furthermore I had now been chained to the bed upon which I had plowed Miss Eileen Nipples mere hours earlier. My incapacitated state made me wonder whether I was about to enter a further session of far kinkier intercourse, a [...]
Tags: bed, botter, Miss Eileen Nipples, murder, shackled
Posted in The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, April 4th, 2007
March, 1856.I rose up out of Miss Nipples’ bed, and strode to the window triumphantly.
“That was a very satisfactory bout of intercourse,” I said, adjusting my now-wonky top hat. “You have done yourself proud, Miss Nipples, and I applaud you.”
Readers of this journal may feel cheated at the omission of a detailed description of my [...]
Tags: intercourse, Miss Eileen Nipples, vase, whisky
Posted in The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov | 4 Comments »
Monday, April 2nd, 2007
31st March, 1856
Miss Nipples and I took our place at a small table inside Mr. Donald’s restaurant, and began to eat our less than fully-appetising meals.
“So, Miss Nipples, let us get to the matter in hand…” I began.
“I really don’t see the point,” said Miss Nipples, taking a swig at her water. “I have already [...]
Tags: deduction, intercourse, interrogation, meal, Miss Eileen Nipples
Posted in The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov | 5 Comments »
Friday, March 30th, 2007
March, 1856
Having clapped eyes on Miss Eileen Nipples, I quite forgot about the missing Russian ambassador, and chose instead to pursue this most ravishing of creatures.
I straightened my top-hat, took a swig of whisky out of my hip-flask, and advanced towards Miss Eileen Nipples.
“Excuse me, madam,” I said, making sure to doff my hat in [...]
Tags: botter, chat, love, Miss Eileen Nipples
Posted in The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov | 2 Comments »
Thursday, March 29th, 2007
March, 1856.
Botter and I took a carriage to London Town, eager to get our teeth into another exciting adventure.
Well, I was eager, at any rate. Botter complained about the whole affair, until I silenced him by hitting his testicles with a pipe.
Unlike our carriage ride in our last adventure, this journey passed by without incident. [...]
Tags: Albert Spunkleford, carriage ride, Miss Eileen Nipples, urine
Posted in The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov | 5 Comments »
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing
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