The Astonishing Adventures of
Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action
"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."
THE DAILY NEWS SHEET
"Utterly wonderful. Upon reading Lord Likely's diaries, I went out and set fire to a homeless wretch to celebrate."
THE LONDON LOOKER
"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."
LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER
"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."
THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS
"Hear ye, hear ye, Lord Likely is fucking ace!"
THE TOWN CRIER
Monday, August 31st, 2009
NEW! A brand-new adventure for his lordship, as an evil presence threatens London Town – and this time, it is not one of Botter’s foul bottom-burps.
Be prepared for chills, thrills and all kinds of spills as Likely prepares to go up against some vile, Victorian vampires…
Tags: Bloody Nuisances, botter, Bram Stoker, Dr. Whelkbladder, Dracula, fiction, humour, Inspector Spunkleford, Lord Likely, Mr. Strix, murder, vampires
Posted in Lord Likely and the Bloody Nuisances | 4 Comments »
Friday, October 24th, 2008
September, 1857. “What in the name of all that is sacred and holy do you think you are doing?” bellowed Professor Ventricle, after I had punched him squarely in the face, strongly suspecting that he was none other than my arch-nemesis, Harold Loathsome, in some sort of shoddy disguise. “Give it up, Loathsome! Your terrible [...]
Tags: botter, fiction, Harold Loathsome, humour, Lord Likely, mimsy, Mr Bertrum Gumbumble, murder, Professor Ventricle, punch, St. Bumthrusty's, tits
Posted in Likely Vs Loathsome | 14 Comments »
Saturday, October 18th, 2008
September, 1857. Getting a new man-servant is an awful ball-ache, you know. And I should know, for I have had over twenty different servants in my lifetime, of varying degrees of uselessness. When my father, Lord Eustace Likely, disappeared from the Likely Estate, ne’er to return (and now presumed deceased), I was left in the [...]
Tags: botter, fiction, Harold Loathsome, humour, Lord Likely, Mr Bertrum Gumbumble, murder, mystery, Professor Ventricle, St. Bumthrusty's
Posted in Likely Vs Loathsome | 14 Comments »
Monday, October 13th, 2008
September, 1857. While my wretched man-servant Botter may well have been in great danger at the murderous hands of my arch-nemesis Harold Loathsome, I saw no reason to cut short my current orgiastic duties with the delectable Miss Lizzie Flapkiss and company. It is awfully bad manners to pull out early, you know. Thus I [...]
Tags: botter, fiction, Harold Loathsome, humour, Inspector Spunkleford, Lizzie Flapkiss, Lord Likely, Mr Bertrum Gumbumble, murder, St. Bumthrusty's, wrong
Posted in Likely Vs Loathsome | 15 Comments »
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
September, 1857. “Well, come on, man!” Spunkleford exclaimed. “Who exactly is this Loathsome fellow? Why do you suspect him of these terrible crimes? Speak up, man! Why must you keep us all in such terrible suspense?!” I was looking out of the school kitchen’s window, lost in a mixture of quiet contemplation and remembrance of [...]
Tags: Harold Loathsome, Inspector Spunkleford, Lizzie Flapkiss, Lord Likely, murder, reunion, school, Spotty Flapkiss, St. Bumthrusty's
Posted in Likely Vs Loathsome | 14 Comments »
Friday, September 26th, 2008
September, 1857. “Oh dear,” I sighed, as we entered the kitchens of St. Bumthrusty’s. The scene was one of utter chaos; items of cutlery were strewn about the place, food items were spilt everywhere, and slumped next to the stove was the body of a man. I knelt down beside the corpse, which I noticed [...]
Tags: botter, Crotchy, eggs, fiction, Ginger Harrison, Ginger Nadgers, Harold Loathsome, humour, Inspector Spunkleford, Lord Likely, murder, St. Bumthrusty's, Victorian
Posted in Likely Vs Loathsome | 17 Comments »
Monday, September 1st, 2008
September the First, 1857. It was a typical, completely unremarkable after-noon in London Town; carriages clattered noisily up and down the cobbled roads, smartly-dressed gentlemen doffed their hats as pretty ladies glided past them, cheeky cockney urchins weaved in and out of crowds, laughing and screaming as they did, while high above their heads Big [...]
Tags: Crimean War, fiction, fight, Finnegan 'Fists' O'Fury, grammar, humour, Inspector Spunkleford, Lord Likely, missive, murder, St. Bumthrusty's
Posted in Likely Vs Loathsome | 10 Comments »
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
April, 1857. “Your ladyship, I have decided I would like to commence my investigations by seeing the body,” I remarked, as I leaned casually against the banister of the stairs. “Well, good,” replied Lady Rydeham-Harde. “At last, some progress.” “Of course, when I say ‘the body’, I mean ‘your body’. And when I say ‘seeing’ [...]
Tags: botter, erection, Grimes, how's your father, Inspector Spunkleford, Lord and Lady Rydeham-Harde, Lord Likely, Lord Palmerston, maid, murder
Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 15 Comments »
Friday, April 11th, 2008
April, 1857. Writing these very journals is usually an exceedingly simple task. Being so incredibly gifted and ridiculously talented, I find that writing is almost second-nature to me, like breathing, or love-making, or crapping into my man-servant’s bed. However, as my last entry proves, I was having great difficulty in penning an article worthy of [...]
Tags: Beast With Two Backs, botter, Inspector Spunkleford, Lord and Lady Rydeham-Harde, Lord Likely, Lord Palmerston, murder, onanism, Rydeham-Harde House, Victorian Housewives, wanking
Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 18 Comments »
Thursday, December 6th, 2007
November, 1856.“Is there a doctor in the house?” I repeated to the crowd of stunned faces before me. No-one moved a muscle, until one rather plump woman stood up and pointed a shaking finger at the recently deceased fellow, lying in a pool of his own blood on the stage behind me, a solitary playing [...]
Tags: Archibald the Entirely Adequate, bastard zomibe, botter, Doctor Corkscrews, King of Spades, Lord Likely, murder, panic, theatre
Posted in The Curious Case of The Conjuring Calamity | 10 Comments »
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing
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