The Astonishing Adventures of
Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action
"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."
THE DAILY NEWS SHEET
"Utterly wonderful. Upon reading Lord Likely's diaries, I went out and set fire to a homeless wretch to celebrate."
THE LONDON LOOKER
"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."
LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER
"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."
THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS
"Hear ye, hear ye, Lord Likely is fucking ace!"
THE TOWN CRIER
Wednesday, December 19th, 2007
November, 1856. “Are you comfortable?” chortled Silas Surprise, as he double-checked the locks on the box inside of which my lordly form was now contained. “I would be considerably more comfortable if I was not inside this box,” I ventured. “Ha! A commendable try, your lordship! Most commendable indeed! Alas, I am afraid you are [...]
Thursday, December 13th, 2007
November, 1856. The first thing I noticed about Mr. Silas Surprise was the enormous size of his wand. I could not help but notice it, really. As Archie, the doctor and I entered Mr. Surprise’s dressing-room to confront him over our recent tussle with an alarmingly un-dead gentleman, we found the conjurer standing proudly next [...]
Monday, December 10th, 2007
November, 1856. When one dies, I firmly believe that one should stay dead. It is rather bad form to suddenly spring back to life, and considerably worse form still to then attempt to eat the brains of anyone else in the vicinity. People tend to frown upon such cannibalistic actions in polite society. Yet it [...]
Thursday, December 6th, 2007
November, 1856.“Is there a doctor in the house?” I repeated to the crowd of stunned faces before me. No-one moved a muscle, until one rather plump woman stood up and pointed a shaking finger at the recently deceased fellow, lying in a pool of his own blood on the stage behind me, a solitary playing [...]
Thursday, November 29th, 2007
November, 1856. As I finally took my seat in the theatre’s auditorium, next to my man-servant Botter, the curtains rose on what was going to prove to be an unforgettable show – for all the wrong reasons. First on were the chorus girls, with whom I had already had the pleasure of acquainting myself with [...]
Monday, November 26th, 2007
November, 1856. Needless to say, after being caught with his trousers around his ankles with a solitary playing card sticking out of his arse-crack, Archibald the Entirely Adequate looked more than slightly embarrassed, and less than entirely adequate. “And what is going on here?” I asked, with mock outrage in my voice. “Good heavens! Likely!” [...]
Thursday, November 22nd, 2007
November, 1856.Having rather skillfully and artfully negotiated my entrance into the theatre, I was feeling somewhat chipper, that is until my progress was once again impeded upon, this time by a rather old chap wearing a comically ill-fitting waistcoat. I regarded him with barely-concealed derision. “Good evening, sirs,” the fellow croaked. “Could I just see [...]
Monday, November 19th, 2007
November 20th, 1856. It was a freezing cold, damp and drizzly November evening, and rather than being snugly ensconced in the warmth of my luxurious mansion, I was outside, standing in the rain, getting wetter and more irate with each passing second. “What in the name of blue-arsed buggery am I doing here?” I snapped [...]
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousingPeruse Further...
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