The Astonishing Adventures of
Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action
"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."
THE DAILY NEWS SHEET
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THE LONDON LOOKER
"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."
LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER
"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."
THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS
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THE TOWN CRIER
Saturday, July 28th, 2007
June, 1856 As I continued to sail my man-servant, Botter, across the ocean, I took the time to ask him about the events leading up to his kidnapping, back on the HMS Bastard. I was most eager to ascertain whether all the unfortunate events that had unfolded around me on that accursed ship were linked, [...]
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
June, 1856 The HMS Bastard shook violently as the iceberg struck, sending me hurtling backwards, spilling some of the whisky from my hip-flask as I did so, which was rather irritating. As I collided with a particularly stubborn wall, I heard a small noise in among the screeching cacophony of twisting metal. It was a [...]
Saturday, July 21st, 2007
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Thursday, July 19th, 2007
June, 1856 Two days passed while I attempted to track down my errant man-servant, Botter. I searched the cabin for clues, but got somewhat distracted when I realised that some of the alcohol in my drinks cabinet was missing. Enraged that someone would stoop to such low levels of villainy, I made sure that the [...]
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
June, 1856. “Bollocks,” I exclaimed, as Doctor Corkscrews continued to advance upon me, seemingly hell-bent on running me through with his two bottle-opening devices. “Do not try to resist, yer lordship,” he growled, “it’ll only hurt for a while…heh, heh, heh.” Doctor Corkscrews, as drawn by my good self, using my finest inks. “You shan’t [...]
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
June, 1856 Following the fracas at dinner, I left the dining room, stopping along the way to collect a few cabin numbers from some women who seemed rather eager to further make my acquaintance, as well as from a couple of men. Being a modern-thinking Victorian gentle-man, I gratefully took all the details thrust upon [...]
Monday, July 9th, 2007
June, 1856, early evening. “How do I look, Botter?” I asked my much maligned man-servant, whilst straightening the cuffs on my finest dinner suit as I prepared to dine with Captain Anchor, on the HMS Bastard. “Very handsome, milord,” Botter replied. “Hmmm. I was hoping for ‘devastatingly gorgeous‘, or ‘criminally sexy‘, but ‘handsome’ will suffice, [...]
Friday, July 6th, 2007
June, 1856 Captain Anchor and I boarded the HMS Bastard, with Botter lagging behind, carefully attempting to balance all twelve cases of luggage I had bought along with me. We ascended through the decks, only stopping to wait for Botter to pick up the cases that he would invariably drop with increasing frequency. “Whoops!” he [...]
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
June, 1856 We made good progress on our journey to Southampton, with only one minor inconvenience when Botter asked that we stop for lunch. I naturally refused him permission, and instead told him to keep his mouth wide open as we rode, and with any luck he might accidentally swallow a fly or two, thereby [...]
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousingPeruse Further...
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