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  • The Crest of Lord Likely

    Archive for April, 2008

    Clawed Likely

    Monday, April 28th, 2008

    April, 1857. “So, you must be Mr. The Beast,” I said calmly, as the slavering beast advanced upon me. “I don’t suppose you would care for a cup of tea, or something?” “Grrrrrarrrgggh!” said the beast. “Grrrrarrrgggh?” I repeated. “Good heavens, your diction is really quite awful. Now listen here, old chap, you’ve been rather [...]

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    Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 19 Comments »

    Into the Dark and Scary Woods

    Friday, April 25th, 2008

    April, 1857. After some considerable deliberation upon my part, I decided that rather than wait to receive another Venetian Cock Twist from the delectable Lady Rydeham-Harde, my time would be more productively spent venturing into the dark and scary woods, where the so-called beast had last been sighted. “Are you sure, milord?” Botter asked nervously. [...]

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    Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 17 Comments »

    Interval: Lord Likely Slays the Dragon

    Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

    April the Twenty-Third, 1857 – St. George’s Day. Today is St. George’s Day, a day where loyal Englishmen up and down the land and throughout the Empire join together and do…well, nothing, really. Absolutely ruddy nothing. St. George’s Day is often forgotten by my fellow Englishmen, who seem to prefer to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day [...]

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    Posted in Random Insertions | 13 Comments »

    In Which His Lordship Gets A Head-Ache

    Monday, April 21st, 2008

    April, 1857. “Well, come on then! What is that in your trousers, sir?” Lady Rydeham-Harde repeated. I looked down at the considerable bulge in my pocket, then looked up at the lady, then to Inspector Spunkleford, who was frantically nodding his head in the negative as if to suggest that I should definitely not whip [...]

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    Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 18 Comments »

    Getting to Grips with Her Ladyship

    Thursday, April 17th, 2008

    April, 1857. “Your ladyship, I have decided I would like to commence my investigations by seeing the body,” I remarked, as I leaned casually against the banister of the stairs. “Well, good,” replied Lady Rydeham-Harde. “At last, some progress.” “Of course, when I say ‘the body’, I mean ‘your body’. And when I say ‘seeing’ [...]

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    Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 15 Comments »

    Lord Likely and the Yes Man

    Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

    April, 1857. “I shall take the case!” I exclaimed excitedly. “I shall go to Rydeham-Harde House, and I shall investigate the brutal murder of that poor, unfortunate maid!” “That is just as well, Likely,” said Inspector Spunkleford. “After all, we are at Rydeham-Harde House now.” “What?” said I. It was at this point that I [...]

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    Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 10 Comments »

    When In Doubt, Crack One Out

    Friday, April 11th, 2008

    April, 1857. Writing these very journals is usually an exceedingly simple task. Being so incredibly gifted and ridiculously talented, I find that writing is almost second-nature to me, like breathing, or love-making, or crapping into my man-servant’s bed. However, as my last entry proves, I was having great difficulty in penning an article worthy of [...]

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    Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 18 Comments »

    It Was Possibly A Dark and Stormy Night

    Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

    April the Ninth, Eighteen Fifty-Seven. It was a dark and stormy night. I know that is a terribly clichéd way to commence a tale, but it also happens to be fact in this instance. It was a dark and stormy night. There was darkness, there was a storm and it was the night-time; thus all [...]

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    Posted in The Beast With Two Backs | 20 Comments »

    Inching Ahead of the Competition

    Sunday, April 6th, 2008

    Of course, whilst I will happily take Dr. Buttock’s money for running his advertisement in my journals, I should like to make it clear that I have never made use of the advertised programme, nor will I ever need to do so. – Lord Likely. A Very Important Update! Lord Likely Tosses One Off!His greatness, [...]

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    Posted in Random Insertions | 15 Comments »

    A Most Hilarious Wheeze

    Tuesday, April 1st, 2008

    April 1st, 1857. “What ails you milord? You seem remarkably down, if I may say so. You look like a man who lost a pound then found a penny, and that penny was covered in shit. Is everything alright, milord?” For once, Botter had proven to be rather astute. My countenance was indeed conveying my [...]

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    Posted in Random Insertions | 14 Comments »

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    About His Lordship

    Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.

    Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing

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