Presenting Mr Fanton: Writer, Artist & Washer of Dishes
Mr. Fanton spent the first nine months of his existence in his mother’s womb, and started his writing career the moment he developed fingers. When he was finally evicted from the womb in September 1978, he surprised everyone by producing a novel charting his embryonic moments, entitled ‘A Womb With A View’, which later went on to sell a gabillion copies worldwide.
Alas, it seemed that Mr. Fanton had peaked rather too soon, and was unable to follow up on his early success for much of the rest of his life, although he did enjoy modest success with his writing throughout his schooldays. Why, who could ever forget his epoch-shattering essays ‘What I Did On My Holidays’, ‘What My Daddy Does For A Job’ and, of course, ‘Late Victorian Masculinities are bound up with discourses of evolution and aesthetics. Analyse this statement in relation to Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations and Oscar Wilde’s
The Picture of Dorian Gray.’
Mr. Fanton left school at school-leaving age, whereupon he promptly went and dropped into college. Whilst at college, Mr. Fanton set up and edited a newspaper, which later folded. This proved much more user-friendly than the unfolded version, and sales literally doubled to two.
After college, Mr. Fanton spent the next three years drinking himself into a stupor and wondering what to do with his life, or ‘attending university’, as it more commonly known. He left with one distinction and several
unremarkables.
Still unsure what to do with himself, Mr. Fanton decided to hone his writing craft by filling out a series of application forms for a procession of low-paid, tedious, soul-crushing jobs. By the time he was twenty-five, Mr. Fanton had finally learnt how to spell his name correctly, and had learnt his National
Insurance number off by heart.
Finally, in February 2007, Mr. Fanton managed to secure the job as Lord Likely’s Official Scribe by being the only one to turn up to the interview. Since then he has never looked back, due to a terrible neck injury sustained from spending too much time hunched over a keyboard.
Mr. Fanton now lives in the south of England with his imaginary wife, pretend children and completely fabricated pets.
You may follow Mr. Fanton’s continued shambolic exploits on his own web-site, at the imaginatively-titled Andy Fanton Dot Com.
Mr. Fanton will write for food.
