Likely's Whore-Box


Praise For Lord Likely

"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."

THE DAILY NEWS SHEET

"Utterly wonderful. Upon reading Lord Likely's diaries, I went out and set fire to a homeless wretch to celebrate."

THE LONDON LOOKER

"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."

LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER

"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."

THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS

"Hear ye, hear ye, Lord Likely is fucking ace!"

THE TOWN CRIER

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  • The Crest of Lord Likely
    adventures

    Adventures Thus Far…

    Lord Likely has had many astonishing adventures thus far. Whether he is tackling killer whores, or battling with undead bounders, his Lordship tackles each fresh escapade with a stiff upper-lip, and an equally stiff todger.

    Here then, for your perusal, are the completed adventures so far. Do enjoy! adventures

    • The Likely Letters

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    • The Strange Case of the Sinister Snowman

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    • The Filching Fog of Finsbury Park

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    • Our Mutual Fiend

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    • Botter's Astonishing Adventure

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    • The Bloody Baffling Buckingham Bluff

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    • One Score and Four

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    • A Christmas Carry On

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    • Lord Likely and the Bloody Nuisances

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    • The Puzzling Pearl Necklace Puzzle

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    • The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane

      Some foul evil is stalking the streets of Bilgecranny Lane, leaving its victims horribly mutilated, with their feet missing. As ever, Lord Likely takes the case, provided he is not distracted by the comely baker Mrs. Bapps and her delicious buns!

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    • Likely Vs Loathsome

      A school-teacher is murdered at Lord Likely's old school, and if that wasn't dashed unsporting enough, the cad responsible has also left a note threatening to kill his lordship as well. Lord Likely must head back to St. Bumthrust's School For Boys, for a school reunion of DOOM. With wine and snacks.

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    • Disaster At The Likely Estate

      After returning from a well-earned holiday to Italy, Lord Likely goes back to the Likely Estate, only to find it now in the possession of a couple of swarthy Italians. It transpires Likely lost his house in a penis-wrestling contest while abroad, and must now think of a dashed cunning way to win back his home and his pride!

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    • The Beast With Two Backs

      Lord and Lady Rydeham-Harde have a problem: something is taking large chunks out of their servants and leaving them for dead.

      Naturally, Lord Likely is on hand to investigate the matter. Could there be a murderous beast on the loose?...

      Find out in the pant-soilingly terrifying tale!

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    • Likely Is One

      Lord Likely is ready to celebrate one whole year of chronicling his Astonishing Adventures, when disaster strikes - the house is completely free of booze!

      His Lordship's quest for booze ends up costing him more than a few shillings, however, when he is left broke and penniless on the streets of London.

      What will become of poor Lord Likely.

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    • Lord Likely And The Flash Man

      It is 1851, and The Great Exhibition has just been opened. People from all walks of life flock to the Crystal Palace to witness the spectacle, including that great exhibitionist, Lord Likely.

      Before long, however, Likely winds up steaming drunk and in jail, where he meets a certain Mr. Harry Flashman...

      The pairs strike up a faltering friendship and quickly find themselves embroiled in another astonishing adventure, when one of the prized exhibits of the exhibition turns out to be a fake...

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    • The Curious Case of The Conjuring Calamity

      One of Lord Likely's old school chums, Archie the Entirely Adequate, invites his Lordship to see him perform at a magic show.

      Things take a turn for the worse, however, when Archie inadvertently winds up killing one of his assistants.

      Can Lord Likely help his old friend out, or will he be far too busy pumping chorus girls and fending off undead gentlemen to bother?

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    • An Astonishing American Adventure

      Lord Likely returns in his biggest adventure to date, as he journeys to the United States of America to help out his brother, Ludlow Likely, and their errant half-brother, Lightnin' Lance Likely.

      But with murderous sea-captains, cork-screw wielding doctors, rampaging, cock-mad Red Indians and amorous would-be presidents on his tail, will Lord Likely ever get round to helping his family?

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    • The Mystery of the Missing Moustache

      It begins like any other day - that is to say it begins with the morning - and Aristocratic Adventurer Lord Likely has awoken to find his prized moustache is missing!

      Where did it go? Who would commit such a foul and terrible crime?

      Find out in this particularly hair-raising adventure!

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    • The Riddle Of The Runaway Romanov

      The Russian Ambassador has gone missing, and so lord likely is naturally hired to locate the missing man.

      But when the ambassador's secretary winds up dead, it is Lord Likely himself who becomes wanted by the law...

      Can his Lordship clear his name, and solve the mystery?

      It's entirely possible.

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    • The Peculiar Prostitute Predicament

      In his First Astonishing Adventure, aristocratic adventurer Lord Likely receives a curious letter from an unknown foe, threatening to cut him.

      As his lordship investigates the origins of the mysterious missive, he is drawn into a seedy world of killer prostitutes and murderous old ladies. Will Lord Likely Survive?

      Of course he ruddy will, you idiot.

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    About His Lordship

    Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.

    Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing

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    Send his lordship your letters, nude pictographs, declarations of love and wads of cash by clicking upon the most handsome stamp above!

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      All funds raised go towards his lordship's drinking fund, with absolutely NO proceeds going to the homeless or any other filthy wastrels

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