The Astonishing Adventures of
Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action
"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."
THE DAILY NEWS SHEET
"Utterly wonderful. Upon reading Lord Likely's diaries, I went out and set fire to a homeless wretch to celebrate."
THE LONDON LOOKER
"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."
LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER
"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."
THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS
"Hear ye, hear ye, Lord Likely is fucking ace!"
THE TOWN CRIER
Saturday, October 27th, 2007
July, 1856. Lance took my unconscious form back down to Camp Camp, where I was immediately taken in by the Red Rump Tribe and given the very best medical aid they had to offer. I do not recall much of this part of my adventure, as I flitted in and out of consciousness, although I [...]
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007
July 30th, 1856. Ignoring Lance’s protestations, I climbed up the remainder of Mount Penis, with lightning flashing about me, and torrential rain lashing at my face as I struggled up the rocks. I recall thinking that if they ever found a way of capturing moving images onto some sort of film, that this particular moment [...]
Saturday, October 20th, 2007
July 30th, 1856. Lance, Ludlow and I made after the criminal and corrupt captain, Huw Anchor, who seemed to be rather more sprightly than a man who had just been shot in the arm had any right to be. As we gave chase, I noticed that the weather was worsening, with thick, dark clouds forming [...]
Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
30th July, 1856 “I am sorry, Lordy,” wailed my treacherous half-brother, Ludlow, doing his utmost to avoid my rage-filled stare. “Business is business, you understand that, don’t you? I mean… you would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes, right?” “If I were in your shoes,” I hissed, “I would have [...]
Monday, October 15th, 2007
July, 1856 Lance and I watched for a few more minutes as the posse of men rampaged through the Red Rump tribe’s campsite, then we withdrew from our vantage point atop Cockshaft Canyon to formulate a plan to overcome this group of horseback bastards. “I say we go down there, guns ablazin’, and shoot each [...]
Tags: Around Here, Captain Huw Anchor, Cockshaft Canyon, cunt, Doctor Corkscrews, gold, Jean des Lunettes, Lightnin Lance Likely, Lord Likely, Ludlow Likely, mystery, Red Rump Tribe, Renchard Dirigible
Friday, October 12th, 2007
July, 1856 Now there were two Likelys at the campsite, my glorious self, of course, and my half-brother Lightnin’ Lance Likely. This meant that now there was twice the sexual charisma, and double the loveliness, so to prevent us from being ravished by the cock-hungry braves of the Red Rump tribe, we decided to conduct [...]
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
July, 1856 The Red Rump tribe offered us a ride back to their camp, located in the depths of Cockshaft Canyon. Botter rode on the back of Sucking Pole‘s horse, while I had the dubious honour of riding with the tribe’s Chief, Spurting Cock. The journey was awful, as I had not only had to [...]
Saturday, October 6th, 2007
July, 1856. Preparing myself for the worst, I armed myself with the pistol Ludlow had given me, and edged towards the door of my carriage. These red-skinned savages had already killed two men, and I would be buggered if I would let myself become their third victim. I pulled back the hammer on the pistol, [...]
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
July, 1856. Botter and I stood silently on the platform, awaiting the train that would take us to Disaster, and no doubt onto further astonishing adventures. “The ruddy train is late,” I said, breaking the silence. “I only make it thirty seconds late, milord,” Botter replied, observing a clock on the wall behind us. “Late [...]
Sunday, September 30th, 2007
September, 1856 And so, with my birthday celebrations well and truly over, we must now return to the continued chronicles of my Astonishing American Adventure, an adventure so massive that it has so far taken some four months to transcribe. But then, would have you expected anything less sizable from my good self? Let us [...]
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousingPeruse Further...
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