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  • The Crest of Lord Likely

    The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane

    Wherein Mrs. Bapps Is Given The Boot

    Monday, February 2nd, 2009

    Previously in The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: this happened. November, 1857. “WELL, sir, what will you have become of me?” snarled Mrs. Bapps, as Botter carefully trained his rolling-pin on her. “Am I to be arrested, and hung for my crimes? Or will you just kill me now? What? What will you do?” “I [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 14 Comments »

    One in the Oven

    Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

    Previously in The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: Having been hot on the trail of a villainous bootblack who was severing the feet of his customers, Lord Likely quickly discovered that the bootblack was merely a pawn in another diabolical scheme – Mrs. Bapps the baker had hired the fellow to remove the feet so [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 12 Comments »

    Lord Likely and the Cake of Doom

    Monday, January 19th, 2009

    Previously in The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: His lordship, hot on the trail of a villainous bootblack who had been severing the feet of his customers, tracked down the cad in question and, through an ingenious use of origami, forced the bounder to confess to his crimes. However, the bootblack then surprised Likely by [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 9 Comments »

    The Mystery Unfolds

    Saturday, January 10th, 2009

    November 1857. “RIGHT then, Squire,” said the brutish oaf in front of me, waving his hacksaw menacingly in my face. “You’re going to sit still and let me relieve you of your feet.” I closed my newspaper and sighed. As much as I loved adventuring in my naturally astonishing manner, sometimes I did rather wish [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 12 Comments »

    Shocking Shoe-Shine Shenanigans

    Monday, January 5th, 2009

    Previously in Lord Likely’s Incredible Inter-Active Adventure: Having been summoned to investigate a startlingly dull case involving the theft of a gentleman’s shoes by a tiny, cockney bootblack, Lord Likely quickly gets to work by visiting a nearby bakery and having a raunchy, pudding-based threesome with the owner, Mrs. Bapps, and one of her customers [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 12 Comments »

    In Which His Lordship Puts His Foot In It

    Monday, December 15th, 2008

    November, 1857. “I SHALL indeed take the case!” I bellowed enthusiastically. “Provided I am sufficiently remunerated for my services, of course.” “Absolutely, Likely. We shall pay you your usual fee, of that there is no question!” replied Inspector Spunkleford. “Hmmm…no, dear inspector. Not this time. I think this time I should like to be paid [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 16 Comments »

    The Cream of the Crop

    Monday, December 8th, 2008

    November, 1857. “LIE back and close your eyes, and I shall deliver a creamy surprise!” I said, as I unsheathed my raging Lord Palmerston, which was, by now, stiffer than a corpse lying in a lake on a freezing cold winter’s day. “Mmmm,” Mrs. Bapps replied, licking her lips. “Sounds delicious!” “Jolly good!” I said, [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 12 Comments »

    Wherein His Lordship Has His Cake And Proceeds To Eat It

    Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

    November, 1857 “Well then, sir,” purred the beautiful, buxom baker Mrs. Bapps as she leant forward, giving me another glorious glimpse of her heaving bosom. “Do you see anything you would like?” “Rather!” I beamed. “Yes?” she continued, scooping up some cream from off of the top of a nearby cake with her finger, and [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 16 Comments »

    Bapps and Buns

    Thursday, November 27th, 2008

    November, 1857. AS I stood contemplating my next move, my ponderings were suddenly interrupted by the arrival of Inspector Albert Spunkleford of Scotland Yard, who bounded across the road toward me, huffing and puffing as he put his sizeable frame through such clearly untypical exertions. “Ah! Likely!” he wheezed. “Jolly good to see you, old [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 15 Comments »

    An Incredible Inter-Active Adventure

    Saturday, November 22nd, 2008

    November, 1857. THE fog hung about the streets of London like an unwanted guest at a party, getting in everyone’s way and generally souring the mood somewhat. Unlike an unwanted guest at a party, however, the fog was considerably harder to eject, being as it was a formless cloud of minute water droplets. “Blasted fog!” [...]

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    Posted in The Bastard Bootblack Of Bilgecranny Lane | 12 Comments »

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    About His Lordship

    Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.

    Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousing

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