The Astonishing Adventures of
Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action
"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."
THE DAILY NEWS SHEET
"Utterly wonderful. Upon reading Lord Likely's diaries, I went out and set fire to a homeless wretch to celebrate."
THE LONDON LOOKER
"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."
LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER
"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."
THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS
"Hear ye, hear ye, Lord Likely is fucking ace!"
THE TOWN CRIER
Monday, February 2nd, 2009
Previously in The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: this happened. November, 1857. “WELL, sir, what will you have become of me?” snarled Mrs. Bapps, as Botter carefully trained his rolling-pin on her. “Am I to be arrested, and hung for my crimes? Or will you just kill me now? What? What will you do?” “I [...]
Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
Previously in The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: Having been hot on the trail of a villainous bootblack who was severing the feet of his customers, Lord Likely quickly discovered that the bootblack was merely a pawn in another diabolical scheme – Mrs. Bapps the baker had hired the fellow to remove the feet so [...]
Monday, January 19th, 2009
Previously in The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: His lordship, hot on the trail of a villainous bootblack who had been severing the feet of his customers, tracked down the cad in question and, through an ingenious use of origami, forced the bounder to confess to his crimes. However, the bootblack then surprised Likely by [...]
Saturday, January 10th, 2009
November 1857. “RIGHT then, Squire,” said the brutish oaf in front of me, waving his hacksaw menacingly in my face. “You’re going to sit still and let me relieve you of your feet.” I closed my newspaper and sighed. As much as I loved adventuring in my naturally astonishing manner, sometimes I did rather wish [...]
Monday, January 5th, 2009
Previously in Lord Likely’s Incredible Inter-Active Adventure: Having been summoned to investigate a startlingly dull case involving the theft of a gentleman’s shoes by a tiny, cockney bootblack, Lord Likely quickly gets to work by visiting a nearby bakery and having a raunchy, pudding-based threesome with the owner, Mrs. Bapps, and one of her customers [...]
Monday, December 15th, 2008
November, 1857. “I SHALL indeed take the case!” I bellowed enthusiastically. “Provided I am sufficiently remunerated for my services, of course.” “Absolutely, Likely. We shall pay you your usual fee, of that there is no question!” replied Inspector Spunkleford. “Hmmm…no, dear inspector. Not this time. I think this time I should like to be paid [...]
Monday, December 8th, 2008
November, 1857. “LIE back and close your eyes, and I shall deliver a creamy surprise!” I said, as I unsheathed my raging Lord Palmerston, which was, by now, stiffer than a corpse lying in a lake on a freezing cold winter’s day. “Mmmm,” Mrs. Bapps replied, licking her lips. “Sounds delicious!” “Jolly good!” I said, [...]
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
November, 1857 “Well then, sir,” purred the beautiful, buxom baker Mrs. Bapps as she leant forward, giving me another glorious glimpse of her heaving bosom. “Do you see anything you would like?” “Rather!” I beamed. “Yes?” she continued, scooping up some cream from off of the top of a nearby cake with her finger, and [...]
Thursday, November 27th, 2008
November, 1857. AS I stood contemplating my next move, my ponderings were suddenly interrupted by the arrival of Inspector Albert Spunkleford of Scotland Yard, who bounded across the road toward me, huffing and puffing as he put his sizeable frame through such clearly untypical exertions. “Ah! Likely!” he wheezed. “Jolly good to see you, old [...]
Saturday, November 22nd, 2008
November, 1857. THE fog hung about the streets of London like an unwanted guest at a party, getting in everyone’s way and generally souring the mood somewhat. Unlike an unwanted guest at a party, however, the fog was considerably harder to eject, being as it was a formless cloud of minute water droplets. “Blasted fog!” [...]
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousingPeruse Further...
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