The Astonishing Adventures of
Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action
"A journal so exciting, I fear I soiled myself no less than fourteen times."
THE DAILY NEWS SHEET
"Utterly wonderful. Upon reading Lord Likely's diaries, I went out and set fire to a homeless wretch to celebrate."
THE LONDON LOOKER
"I ejaculated so hard, my library had to be closed off for an entire week."
LORD FISHSTICK'S NEWSPAPER
"Everyone should buy a copy of these diaries, then have sex with them."
THE ILLUSTRATED JOURNAL OF NEWS
"Hear ye, hear ye, Lord Likely is fucking ace!"
THE TOWN CRIER
Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
March 15th, 1856 “That’s right, no cock. Not so much as a stump. All of it – gone.” Sir Marcus Chuffington-Fapps flailed his arms wildly, as he regaled us with the story of his unfortunate encounter with Mrs. Dinklesuck and her blood-thirsty hussies. We were enjoying a light supper at a local eatery, all of [...]
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
Still in March, 1856 Having roundly defeated Mrs. Dinklesuck and her killer prostitutes, my companions and I entered their house to ascertain exactly what terrible secrets lay within, and hopefully bring this whole awful affair to it’s conclusion. A thorough search of the building proved fruitless. There seemed nothing remotely untoward about the house, save [...]
Monday, March 12th, 2007
The same day, 1856 In some of my wildest dreams, I have fantasised about having a legion of prostitutes descend upon me, ready and willing to perform any sexual act my filthy mind could conjure. What reality presented to me instead, however, was a legion of prostitutes descending upon me, bearing an assortment of weapons, [...]
Monday, March 12th, 2007
March the Twelfth, Eighteen Fifty-Six We returned to Mrs. Dinklesuck’s house-come-brothel promptly, eager to make our acquaintance of this Mark fellow, and bring to a conclusion this baffling mystery. Inspector Spunkleford knocked briskly upon the door, which was then opened by the senior slut herself. “Oh!”, she exclaimed, genuinely surprised to see us again. “It’s [...]
Sunday, March 11th, 2007
Another day, 1856 “Botter, Inspector…pay close attention now. I believe I have found another piece of the puzzle,” I said, beckoning to my companions. We were sat in a small tea-shop in London Town, the day after our unfortunate punch-up in the Lamb and Fist. I held in one hand a cup of Earl Grey, [...]
Saturday, March 10th, 2007
March 11th, 1856 My latest unsavoury encounter at the Lamb and Fist was not the first time I had entered into such a fracas, and I rather suspect it shall not be my last. Being a Lord, with fair, unblemished skin; and being in possession of wealth and breeding far beyond the wildest imaginings of [...]
Friday, March 9th, 2007
10th March, 1856 Our investigations, having turned up nothing more than a tin of shortbread and a distinct sense of repulsion, had ground to a halt. Deciding that we needed a moment to collect our thoughts, I decided we should immediately set forth to a nearby drinking establishment, and get ourselves shit-faced. We chanced upon [...]
Thursday, March 8th, 2007
March 9th, 1856 “Well, as much as I wasn’t expecting guests, I certainly wasn’t expecting to receive a fist to the face,” said the old lady, as Botter tended to her broken nose. The blow to the veteran’s visage had knocked the poor woman out cold for the night, during which time we had searched [...]
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
8th March, 1856 Finally feeling that I was back to something resembling full health, my companions and I decided to leave the squalour of Spunkleford’s flat and journey onto Buckingham Place, the address of my threatening letter-writer. We took a hansom cab across the city, making a far-less eventful journey than our previous effort. Although [...]
Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
7th March 1856 Over the course of the following twenty-four hours, my body slowly began to heal. I’m no stranger to injuries and woundings, and while I lay bed-ridden, I recalled them from memory to pass the long, dull hours spent in Botter’s company. Here are some of my more notable injuries sustained upon my [...]
Lord Likely was a renowned member of the English aristocracy in the Victorian era. Tales of his exhilarating, enthralling and highly erotic exploits were legendary, but only now have his own, personal diaries resurfaced (found in a branch of Help the Aged in Swindon), shedding light on the life of this extraordinary eccentric.
Warning: these journals contain material that some people may find terribly offensive, or incredibly arousingPeruse Further...
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