27 February 2009
Let Us Party Like It Is 1899
February 27th, 1858.
YES, dear readers, it is true – I need YOU! For to-day is truly an historic day, for it was on this very day, two short years ago, that I began to chronicle my Astonishing Adventures!And such a momentous occasion cannot possibly go by unheeded, which is why I need you to come and join me in a massive, spectacular two-week celebration of my continued excellence and sheer, bloody incredibility.
Since February the 27th, 1856, and over the course of some two-hundred and twenty thrill-packed entries, I have continued to dazzle, entertain and arouse my many magnificent readers. I have done battle with killer prostitutes; travelled to the United States of America and come face-to-face with unruly, homosexual savages; tackled randy beasts; defeated maniacal mad-men and beaten off many a cad and a bounder. (No, not like that, you swine).
After so long being so ruddy fabulous, I recently decided I needed a change of scenery to refresh my weary bones (being so relentlessly wonderful is extremely tiring work, you know), hence the decision to blow up the Likely Estate (I did not want it falling into the hands of ruffians or – urgh – commoners) and my relocation to my glorious new abode, here at Likely Towers – a glorious new residence which thrusts into the sky, a powerful erection making love to the Heavens.
Of course, transporting all of my priceless possessions was hard work, hence why I employed the use of an elephant to help me move my things to my new home. My extensive collection of pornography itself took two whole days to rehouse, but it was well worth the effort. I simply cannot be without my vast supply of smut, you know.
Now I am settled in, I am ready to throw the mother, father and great uncle of all parties, to which you are all duly invited, of course.
Over the next two weeks, I shall be playing host to some breath-taking tributes to my stupendous self, from artists and writers of great repute. Of course, if any of my loyal follwers also wish to produce such a work – maybe a poem detailing my many great achievements, or an erotic portrait, or a song about how excellent I am, then do feel free, and I shall share it with the masses over the next fortnight.
Send such homages to [email protected]
But for now, let us eat, drink and be naked – for it is a time of celebration and great cheer.
Bottoms up!
– Lord Likely.
(Post-Script: I also wish to make it clear that despite Inspector Spunkleford’s asertions, I did not have intercourse with his wife. His sister, on the other hand, is a different matter altogether).
(Post-Post-Script: also celebrating today is dear Meilin Miranda, who’s own scintillating serial, ‘An Intimate History of the Greater Kingdom‘, is celebrating one year of greatness! Congratulations, m’dear!)
